


Different

by cettevieestbien



Series: drabbles. [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, he is really depressed, i loved writing this omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2277009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/cettevieestbien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They gave him space where he needed guidance. They gave choices and options where he needed help choosing. ;/; Steve isn't adjusting, and the Avengers aren't helping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different

They gave him space where he needed guidance.

They gave choices and options where he needed help choosing.

They gave him everything he had ever wanted, but they weren't close, and he was alone.

They gave him bullshit about how he needed to go out and live a little, but they didn't know what he needs, and he needed to open up.

(If he opened up to them, they would make fun of him or leave. If he opened up, he would be labeled, like everything else this century.)

They pretend at sympathy, but they don't know.

Thor lost Loki, and Tony, his parents. Clint, his brother, and Bruce, his mother, and Natasha, he's not really sure, but he lost  _everything_.

He lost everything on top of losing everyone. Nothing was the same, in more ways than one, and it wasn't like that with the others. Even Thor could go home if he got homesick.

Pluto wasn't a planet, and a guy landed on the moon in the '60's. What was Mars was now M&M'S.

Money was different - if he had the money he had nowadays, he'd be able to afford the subway and still have dinner that wasn't some shitty slop that Bucky made, even if it was at Steak 'n Shakes.

Sugar was something in every home, along with salt and flour. He remembered going weeks without any of them, and still living to tell the tale, especially with his immune system.

Coffee and chocolate didn't taste like the dirt of hell anymore, which was nice, sure. But no one, least of all him, would ever think he would miss that shitty, horrible, tasteless stuff they called  _good_.

Maybe they don't realize that he has nothing, that everything they are used to, such as soda at command or clean air, without all the dust, is new to him.

Tony threw a laptop at him once - literally threw - and if his reflexes weren't superhuman, he wouldn't have been able to keep it off the floor. Nobody explained how to use it to him. He had to ask JARVIS. Oddly, it humiliated him.

He left, he took the missions, he drank coffee in the high hopes it would keep him awake, he crashed on his couch and he skirted around his teammates as much as he could. He couldn't tell if he wanted to be with them or as far away as possible.

He tried not to think about his past, tried to avoid everyone, and it was all because he didn't have anything to lose in this century - he's always going to be needed.

(It seemed like police are soldiers, now, and heroes like him are the one's pulling cats out of trees. The lines of everything are blurring.)

He didn't know what to do. No, not now, not when he had so much freedom to do anything that would be expected of him.

Still, he didn't lay in bed like he wanted to, wallowing, because Captain America didn't do that sort of thing - Captain America was up with the sun and jogging his way around the entire continent, probably, and still being on time for breakfast. Captain America was being perfect.

He didn't know how to trust himself. He couldn't trust that he wouldn't fly off, into the ocean, because his feet took him there. He couldn't trust that the water would freeze his bones and cause him to sink.

He didn't have alcohol to turn to, and he went mission by mission so he didn't have a set time to work.

The rut he was stuck in was filling with water, and he was drowning. But no one noticed.

All it took was one reckless move.


End file.
